


The Witch's Little Goose

by WizardofOzymandias



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Untitled Goose Game Fusion, Best Mom Morrigan, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Inspiration struck, Kieran causes problems on purpose, Shapeshifter!Kieran, look idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:53:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26345161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WizardofOzymandias/pseuds/WizardofOzymandias
Summary: Everyone in Empress Celene’s court is impressed with the impeccable manners of the Witch of the Wilds’ son. What they don’t realize is that Kieran can shapeshift and is the goose that’s been terrorizing the gardens.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20





	The Witch's Little Goose

Kieran was excited for his mother when the news came that she had been chosen as Arcane Advisor to the Empress of Orlais. It was an important position and—if nothing else—would give them a home outside of the wilds or the place between mirrors. Kieran was very tired of the place between the mirrors. The magic didn’t seem to like him there and it made his head buzz.

What he hadn’t expected was how busy his mother would be once they moved to Orlais. When Morrigan remembered, there was the occasional servant assigned to look after Kieran. But most of the time his mother simply told him to sit quietly with a stack of books and read until she returned. Kieran was comfortable with this situation, as it meant that he was free to roam wherever he wanted as long as he made it back to his books by the time his mother came looking.

He never felt like his mother neglected him. He knew Morrigan loved him more fiercely than she had ever loved anything. But they both knew Kieran wasn’t a normal child. More accurately, that he wasn’t a child at all, and never truly needed looking after. Being born with the soul of an Old God wasn’t so bad, really. It only meant that he learned faster than most people. Sometimes he had no need to learn about something, finding that he inexplicably understood it already. It was that way with magic. He was very young the first time he shifted shape in imitation of his mother. Morrigan had been delighted, then worried. She seemed to worry about him a lot.

Kieran found that shapeshifting was the magic that kept him entertained better than anything, especially now that they were in Orlais. If he got hungry, he could become a mouse and sneak his way into the kitchens to eat his fill. As a crow, he could watch the chevaliers training in the courtyard. There were so many places he could explore in the shape of an animal, and so many things he could learn.

The nobility in Orlais were not kind. When they cooed over him and complimented his nice manners, Kieran flinched away. His mouse ears had heard the things they whispered about his mother. His crow eyes had seen private meetings to discuss what should be done about Empress Celene’s advisor. Kieran knew these people were not his friends and he hated their painted masks and posturing. The entire court was a farce.

At first, Kieran had rankled at how powerless Orlais made him feel. But an idea struck him one day as he watched a goose in the garden chase away a noblewoman. Geese were formidable creatures. Just their presence in the Empress’s garden was a testament to how big of a fight they could put up. A little research revealed that the gardeners had spent years trying and failing to eradicate them. Kieran envied the geese he watched from his window. Loud, tough birds that could squawk at whoever they wanted and refused to be thrown out of the palace gardens. That sounded like just the type of animal Kieran wanted to be.

One day, he decided to join them. The goose pond was off to one side of the garden, where few of the nobles were likely to stray. Kieran was easily able to make his way there without being spotted. Once there, he shifted into goose form. His new shape was bulkier than he was used to when being a bird. He had a broad, squat body, a big flat bill, and huge wings. He wondered what he sounded like. Tentatively, he opened his bill. “HONK!” issued from his diaphragm. The sound echoed over the goose pond, far louder than expected. Kieran laughed to himself. This was brilliant.

Next, he puffed himself up and flapped his wings. They were so strong! “HONK!” he squawked again.

A slight movement caught his eye from across the garden. One of the gardeners knelt a few yards away, obliviously tending a flowerbed. The man’s hat was perched precariously on his head. A wicked thought came to Kieran and he decided this was the perfect time to test out his goosely dexterity.

He waddled as nonchalantly as he could in the man’s direction. The gardener paid him no mind. _That’s your first mistake,_ Kieran thought to himself. He inched closer and closer to the gardener, pretending to be interested in the plants the man was attending. Once he got close enough, Kieran snatched the hat from the man’s head.

The gardener jumped to his feet in startled surprise, then took off after Kieran.

The witch’s son discovered just how difficult it was to run when the best he could do was waddle on his webbed feet. Fortunately, the gardener shied away every time Kieran flapped his wings and let out a honk. Swiftly enough, the gardener’s hat was pitched into the pond.

This was great fun, but Kieran kept a wary eye on the spade the gardener carried. It would not do to be hit by thrown garden tools. And surely there was more fun to be had further from the goose pond. Unfortunately, the nearby sundial told Kieran it was almost time for his mother to return. He made his way back to their room, reclaiming his own shape once he was out of the garden.

The next time he took goose form, Kieran wasted no time lingering near the pond. The further reaches of the garden beckoned with promises of more nobles to plague. Kieran waddled eagerly that way, honking as he went.

In one corner, he discovered a boy not much younger than himself dressed in brilliant blue silk. The child’s face was covered by a ridiculously elaborate mask, adorned with an enormous fan of peacock feathers. The mask would have to go, Kieran decided.

Once he had honked and flapped his wings in the boy’s direction, Kieran discovered that the masked lad seemed to have a fear of geese. Perfect. Kieran puffed his goose body up, merrily honking and flapping in pursuit of the Orlesian boy. So eager was the child to escape the goose that he tripped over his own feet. Kieran quickly waddled to his prone opponent and untied the boy’s mask. He easily stopped the boy from pursuing him with a couple of ear-clutching honks. With a little magic, the mask was easily slipped over the face of Empress Celene’s statue in the sculpture garden. Afterward, Kieran fled pursuit by a gardener brandishing a large rake.

The third time Kieran became a goose, he noticed there were anti-goose signs appearing all over the garden. The signs encouraged anyone who spotted a goose outside of the pond area to chase the creature away. Kieran’s first act was to tear down all the signs and sink them in the goose pond. Once that was done, he startled nobles into choking on their tea, broke some decorative urns, and pulled up flowers from their beds. It was fun being a goose, not having to care about how he treated the spiteful, simpering nobles.

It was fun until his mother arrived that evening. “Kieran, there is something I need to ask you about.”

“What is it, Mother?” he asked.

She laughed a little. “‘Tis paranoia on my part, most likely. But I have heard the nobles worrying over a rogue goose in the gardens. They say he arrived out of nowhere and has been terrorizing them and the gardeners for days. Do you anything about this?”

Kieran swallowed a sickening mixture of disappointment and fear. He might have more than a lifetime’s worth of memories in his head, but he had no idea how his mother would react to the truth. He hung his head. “It was me, Mother.”

Morrigan shook her head. “My son, why would you do such a thing?”

Kieran looked directly into his mother’s eyes. “I was tired of the nobles treating you so badly. I felt like I couldn’t do anything about it. I didn’t mean to cause any real trouble.”

Morrigan sighed. “Let me tell you a story. When I first learned to shift my shape, I loved the freedom it gave me. I would venture into a nearby village, wearing the shape of a fox. ‘Twas great fun, being a fox, snatching chickens from henhouses, knocking stools from beneath self-righteous farmers, and pitching stuck-up children’s hats in the well. It became a favorite pastime of mine, ‘til one night, when a farmer caught me in a trap. You see, I had plagued the town so much that they conspired to kill the crafty fox.”

Kieran gasped.

Morrigan nodded her encouragement. “Yes, I was in a dreadful fix. The farmer planned to keep me trapped until he could take me to the next town, to the fur trader.”

Kieran shuddered. “How did you escape, Mother?”

“I didn’t. My mother came to town and paid the farmer for the captured fox. He was too afraid of the Witch of the Wilds to refuse. I received the harshest scolding of my life for that. Flemeth insisted I never use my magic so frivolously again. But she needn’t have worried. I had learned my lesson, locked in that trap.”

Kieran looked ashamed. “I understand, Mother. I won’t do it again.”

Morrigan smiled at him. “Nay, you shouldn’t torment the nobles anymore. But I commend your trickery. You’ve been quite brilliant, my little goose.” 


End file.
